If Jamison or Ebony thought that I was going to magically disappear after they snuck away to Vegas to get married, they had another thing coming. I can’t believe that Jamison didn’t even come to check on me. He was back over my house three days after they were married. I made sure that none of this messy business got into the media, because they would have had a field day with it. I had too much at stake, and I was working on one of the biggest projects of my career with, “Concrete Rose.”
I managed to focus on work when I was working, but when I wasn’t at work, I was consumed with rage. I wanted revenge. I needed it like lungs need air, that’s just how consumed I was with wrecking havoc on their lives. I know that I should have let it go, but I didn’t. I made Jamison think that I was cool with being his side chick, but I hated him for marrying Ebony.
My grandmother taught me that God gives us a way of escape, but it’s up to us to take it. I didn’t want to escape. I gave in completely to my rage. I no longer cared about hurting other people if it would hurt Ebony and Jamison. That heifer was going to pay for hitting me with that vase, and Jamison was going to pay for going to Vegas and marrying her while I was in the hospital.
What did this witch have over him anyway? He had just told the two of us that he loved both of us, and then he sneaks away to Vegas to get married. Why? Ebony’s father is a Family medicine physician. He’s been a widow for two years.
I began to go see him for some headaches that I lied about having, and I plotted on how I was going to become Ebony’s new momma. I started flirting with her dad for a few months, and one day I invited him over to my place for dinner. After six months, we were in a relationship, but we kept it on the low and revealed it at Jamison and Ebony’s baby shower. You should have seen Ebony’s face when she saw me. Me and her dad had some news of our own. He proposed to me, and I said, yes.
“Dad, she’s using you,” Ebony told her father. “Honey, what are you talking about?” her dad asked. “This is the crazy woman I told you about earlier this year. The woman who is obsessed with Jamison,” she said. “Honey, let’s just go,” I told Winfred.
“No, no. Is this true? Is Jamison the crazy ex you told me about? The one who tried to kill you?” Winfred asked me. I began to make myself cry. “Winfred baby, please, let’s just leave.”
“Please don’t let him hurt me,” I cried. I was not only a good movie producer and director, but I am a damn good actor. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that the two of you were related,” I said, knowing that I was lying. “Honey, I knew something was wrong when he made you go with him to Vegas and get hitched.
Jamison isn’t who you think he is honey. Careesha has told me all kinds of stories about him,” Winfred said. “None of which is true,” Jamison said. I grabbed Winfred’s arm. “Babe, please. Let’s just leave,” I said.
“No, because I believe everything you’ve told me about him, and Ebony, you know that he’s no good for you,” Winfred said. “Dad, please. Not at my baby shower,” Ebony said. “Well, if not now, when is a good time? You call me at least once a week complaining about him not coming home.
Where are you? Are you cheating on my daughter?” Winfred said. “No sir, I’m not,” Jamison said. Knowing damn well he was eating my booty like fresh produce from the market, last night. Oh, this is getting good,” I thought to myself, but wait until she finds out that at least once a week he’s with me.
I couldn’t wait for it to hit the fan. I wasn’t going to tell her this time though. She’ll find out one day. The crazy thing is, I was ready to play this game for as long as it needed to be played. That’s right, we’re in this thing deep.
Jamison will never get rid of me, and I’m marrying his father n law, just to keep eyes on him. He should have never told me that he loved me. A part of me was saying that I’d gone too far, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care how desperate I looked, as long as Ebony was the one looking stupid in the end when she finds out that Jamison never stopped messing around with me. Revenge was crack, and I was an addict.
The thought of paying them both back, fueled me. I knew that Jamison would lose it if he even thought that Winfred was hitting this. He’d lose it if anyone besides him was hitting this, because according to him, my private parts belonged to him… but he has a whole wife though. Yeah, whatever. I know that he felt pissed when he saw that I was engaged to Winfred.
He had no clue that I was dating. He thought that my world revolved around him, and it did, before he put Ebony before me. I guess that he thought I’d be his little side piece forever. Hell nah. Who’s your momma now?
After ruining Ebony’s baby shower, I felt great. I went to Winfred’s house and spent the night with him for the first time. I still hadn’t made love to him yet, and I wasn’t planning on doing it until we were married. I didn’t love Winfred, I was just playing games. He is a good man, a good looking, and high value man, but he is thirty years older than me. I was low key creeped out about that.
I was doing all of this out of spite. There was a still small voice telling me that I still had time to break things off and stop my foolishness, but I didn’t. Jamison started coming around me more, because he thought that Winfred and I were having sex. Every weekend he was with me during the night. Sometimes he’d beat me to my house.
Jamison hated that I was marrying Winfred. He told me that he refused to share me. I told him to hit the road then, because Winfred was a good man and I was going to marry him. He asked me if I loved Winfred, and I said, yes. I lied, but I didn’t trust Jamison.
He was probably secretly recording me. There was no trust in whatever we had, and it was really complicated now that he was married and I was engaged to his father-in-law. There was always this voice in the back of my head saying, “It’s not worth it,” but I’d ignore it. Jamison didn’t want to share me with Winfred, but he wanted me to share him with Ebony. I thought about how my grandmother must have felt, sharing my grandfather with those other women.
Now, I’m dealing with those same demons except I’m the side piece. How in the hell did I get here? Refusing to set those boundaries and not being honest about what I wanted, is what got me here. Going with the flow, is what got me here. I don’t give a damn though.
Jamison was mine first, and when I said, “If I can’t have him, no one can,” I meant it. One night, about two in the morning, my mom called me out of the blue. It was odd, because she only called during holidays, birthdays, family reunions, or some other family occasion. She never called in the middle of the night. My parents and I love each other very much, we just don’t talk often.
“Hey, mom. I haven’t heard from you in a long time. Is everything okay? Is daddy alright?” I said. “Yes, we’re fine,” she said.
“Okay, well what’s up?” I said, before turning on the lamp on my nightstand, and sitting up in bed. Jamison was laying beside me. “Cut off the light baby. You know I can’t sleep with the light on,” he said. “Who is that?” my mom said.
I got up out of the bed and went into my living room. “Oh, no one. It was just the TV,” I said. “Oh, okay. You are up late too, huh?” she said.
“Yeah, something like that,” I said. “Hey, baby. Love you,” my dad yelled over the phone. I laughed, “Tell dad hello and I love him too,” I said. “He heard you, I have you on speaker phone.
I woke him up before I called you, because I keep having this disturbing dream that you’re on drugs, and me and your dad keep trying to help you get off, but you keep using, and the last time I fell asleep, you died of an overdose. Baby, are you using drugs?” mom asked. I laughed. “Absolutely not! Come on mom.
You know me,” I said. “I tried to tell her,” my dad yelled over the phone again. “Can we go to sleep now,” he told my mom. Jamison jumped up out of bed and put on his clothes and rushed out the door. “Ebony’s in labor,” he said, before coming back inside and kissing me on the lips.
I’ll be back tonight. I love you,” he said. I had put my phone on mute because I didn’t want my parents to know what was going on. “I love you too baby,” I said. He left out the back door, and he walked a block away and got into a cab and rode away.
He would park his car at the Walmart a few miles away from my house, just in case Ebony or Winfred ever rode by my house being nosey. We were a little paranoid about the situation, because deep down we knew what we were doing was wrong, but we didn’t care. At the beginning of the year, “Concrete Rose premiered and Winfred went with me to the red carpet event. We were scheduled to get married in three months, during the spring. Concrete Rose was a box office hit, and People’s Choice magazine called it, “A brilliant masterpiece.”
I did an interview on Late Night Talk Show, and the host called me, “The Mastermind behind the masterpiece, ‘Concrete Rose.’” I’d made this movie that had touched so many lives, but I wondered what people would think if they saw how screwed up my life really was. There was a time that I loved myself, but I hated who I’d become. I had become this person whose motives wasn’t pure or driven by love, but vengeance. I was treading dangerous waters. I wanted to stop at times, but I didn’t.
I began to have feelings for Winfred after a while, but I was in too deep with Jamison. I knew that he would never leave Ebony, and if I didn’t walk away from this mess I’ve created, something horrible was going to happen. The Bible says, “What you do in the darkness, will come to light.” My late grandmother taught me that. I knew that it was just a matter of time before what Jamison and I were doing to be revealed.
I no longer wanted to hurt Winfred. He really did love me. I knew that my name would probably be dragged through the media, if people found out. I broke things off a with Winfred, a month before we were going to be married. I told him that I just wasn’t ready for a relationship or marriage.
I broke things off with Jamison too, but he wasn’t trying to hear it. For the last two months, I couldn’t sleep. My mom’s dream was always in the back of my mind, and I felt that if I didn’t let this addiction to revenge go, it would cost me my life.