Have you ever tried to talk but you couldn’t speak or tried to walk, but you couldn’t move? That’s me right now, except I can’t move at all. I’ve lost all range of motion. I’m paralyzed… and all because of him… Come to think of it, he had this same effect on me, when we first met.
I was weak for him, he gave me butterflies and he made me feel a way that I hadn’t felt in a long time, but it came with a price, and now I’m in the hospital paying for my sins. The worst part in all of this, is the fact that I’m married. My husband is the best husband and father. He knows about my indiscretions and he still chooses to be by my side. Although my husband is great, I wasn’t happy.
It took this unfortunate event to make me realize that my affair had nothing to do with the problems I was experiencing within my marriage; it had everything to do with the unhappiness inside of me. I felt like a failure. I was once a woman with big dreams and a bright future, but life happened and those dreams were diminished. I was supposed to be a fashion icon, and now I’m working double shifts at the hotel, and making clothes for a hobby. On the outside, it appears that I have the perfect family, but inside, we’re struggling financially, and I felt as if the pressure was on me to maintain our current lifestyle.
It’s like he came into my life at the perfect time. It’s funny how certain opportunities present themselves when you’re going through. Not all opportunities are wise investments. Sometimes the very person or thing that you think is your saving grace, are sent to give you just enough hope to destroy you. That’s exactly what he did.
He got me to trust him, and then I gave him my all. I thought that I knew him, but I knew a side of him. The side he wanted me to see. He sold me a dream, and I bought it. I was infatuated with who he is, and my infatuation bred lust.
Let’s rewind to eight months ago.
“Mommy, mommy!” “Yes, baby; what is it?” “Mommy, aunt Becca is here,” Triston said. “Really? Already?” I said.
I flipped my phone over and it was 8:00. Tristan was still peeking through the blinds in my office. “Yes; she’s here, she’s here,” he jumped up and down with excitement. Becca saw him in the window and waved with a smile. I grabbed Tristan’s bag, and we walked into the living room.
Becca walked through the front door. “Hey, heeey. Aunt Becca’s in the building,” my sister said, in a cheerful tone, as she came inside, closing the door behind her. “Girl, it’s 8:00 and you’re not even dressed. I thought that you had to be to work at nine,” she said.
“I do. Time just goes by so fast though,” I said. “Let me guess; you were designing clothes again?” Becca said. “Yes, I was. I can’t help it. I love it!
It’s all I think about,” I said. “Girl, you need to do something with that talent. You obviously have skills. Your clothes and bags sells like crazy at the shop. I’m actually getting low on stock.
Do you want me to take more merchandise?” Becca said. “Sure, have at it,” I said. “Okay, I’m going to grab some things, but seriously Nessa, you’ve got talent. You need your own brand. You’re just as good as many of these luxury brands, but your pricing is reasonable for everyday people, and that’s important.
If people can’t be rich, they can feel rich when wearing your merchandise. You know the way people feel about themselves is important, and you’ve got a talent for putting people in nice clothes and boosting their confidence. Maybe you should sign up to be on one of these fashion house shows, or become a stylist. People pay good money for that, you know?” Becca said, as she went through the clothes I’d designed.
“Auntie, I’m ready to go now,” Tristan said. “Oop, okay lil man. Well, Nessa, the boss has spoken” Becca said, holding two arm fulls of merchandise. Love ya, but gotta go, sis,” she said, as she prepared to leave. “Love you more.
Tristan, come give mommy a hug before you go,” I said. He came to me and I squeezed him and kissed him all over his face. “Muah, muah, muah,” I said, with each kiss. He giggled. “Okay mommy, that’s enough,” he said.
“Okay, mommy loves you,” I said. “Love you,” he said, as he and Becca headed towards her car. “I’ll open the door for you auntie,” Tristan said. “Oh, you’re such a gentleman. Thank you,” Becca said, before sitting the clothes on the back seat.
Then she walked over to the other side and secured Tristan in his car seat. They waved as Becca backed out the driveway. I waved back and closed the door. I thought about everything Becca said. It was true, but my dream of becoming a fashion designer is just that, a dream.
I’ll never become this great fashion designer or even a fashion stylist. My husband and I are struggling to make ends meet. I don’t have time to dream big when reality is constantly staring me in the face. So, for now, the best I can do, is sell my merchandise via Becca’s beauty salon and continue to work as many double shifts as possible, and pray that one day, I’ll either get my big break, or breakthrough.
My cell rang from my office. It was TJ is calling. “Hey, babe! How’s work going?” “Hey Nessa, baby.
Not good. It’s going to be some pretty crappy weather this week, so we won’t be able to get much done. Even with vacation time, I’ll only be getting paid for twenty hours this week,” TJ said. “Oh, no! Not this week too.
We’re already behind on the mortgage, I haven’t paid the car insurance for last month yet, or the car note for the Benz,” I said. “I know baby, it sucks. I’m going to figure something out, even if that means getting a part-time job at night. Everything will be okay,” TJ said. TJ has always managed to stay calm despite difficulties, me, I freak out.
“Okay. Well, I’m going in early, again today. I’m pulling a double, so, I’ll see you later on tonight,” I said. TJ walked in the house and came towards my office, as I was walking out. “Looks like I caught you right in time then,” he said. He ended the call and put his phone in his pocket.
“Hey, you,” I said. “Hey,” he said, with a smile, and then he picked me up and carried me back into my office and sat me on my desk. I laughed. “Baby, I have to be at work in forty five minutes,” I said. I put my cellphone on the desk.
We kissed. “You sly fox. Don’t let me find out you’re playing hooky to come get some nookie,” I said. “Well, I can’t resist the cookie,” he said, before lifting up my nightgown. “No, baby.
I’m serious. I have to go. You’re going to make me late,” I said. “Come on baby. We have time for a quickie.
You know I only need a couple of minutes. He was right. After two minutes of mind blowing sex, for him… I went upstairs to shower.
I love my husband, but lately, the sex has gone downhill. TJ seems to enjoy it all the same, but it hasn’t been good for me in a while.
Don’t get me wrong, TJ is everything a woman would want in a husband. I love him. He’s my husband, my best friend, and undoubtedly my soul mate. It’s just that the sex ain’t it. On top of being sexually frustrated, we’re dealing with a pile of bills.
My sister says, “CoMuNicAte.” But how do you tell your husband that you haven’t been sexually satisfied for the last six months? I went upstairs to shower and get dressed. After that, I had fifteen minutes left, which is just enough time to get to work on time. “Love you babe, see you tonight,” I said, as I hurried out the door.
I got to work at 8:59. While parking, it began to pour down raining. I forgot my umbrella, so I hurried out of my car and ran inside my job. When I went to clock in, I realized that I didn’t have my work badge. “Dang it.”
It must have fell on the ground as I was running. It was 9:00. “Vanessa Winston?” a voice behind me said. I turned around. “Yes?”
There he was, the most beautiful chocolate man I’ve ever seen in my life. Tall, waves on swim, deep eyes, long lashes, juicy lips, white teeth, the perfect chest, made for laying on… He smiled as if he was reading my thoughts. “I believe you dropped this,” he said, as he tried to hand me my badge. I couldn’t move or speak.
I heard what he was saying, but I was stuck. “Are you okay?” he said. “Snap the hell out of it, Nessa,” I told myself. “Oh, thank you. Yes, I’m fine,” I said, taking the badge.
I was just looking for that. Thanks again,” I said, before clocking in two seconds before 9:01. “No problem,” he said. “Are you here for the conference?” I said. “I am,” he said.
“Okay, it’s past the lobby, three doors down on your right,” I said. “Thank you,” he said. “No, thank you,” I said. He smiled at me. “For the badge, I mean,” I said, returning the smile.
“See you around, Venessa Winston,” he said, before continuing down the hall. “Enjoy the conference,” I said.
Shubricca L Bell 