The problem with “dating up” and “dating down”.

Okay, so let me just say this. I believe that we’ve all done this, at one point or another in our lives, and we’ve all had our own reasons; mostly selfish, but we’ll get to that later. Be honest, you’ve either dated someone who was “out of your league” or you’ve dated someone who wasn’t on your level, be it spiritually, socially, physically or whatever it may be or may have been. The thing about “dating up” or “dating down” implies that you feel you’re not good enough. You feel like what you bring to the table is not enough, therefore, you need someone who will make you feel better about who you are. You need security. The sad thing about this way of thinking is that, if you’re not good by yourself, you’re no good to anyone else. If you feel like you have to settle (date down) it means you’re desperate, and if you are a person who dates up… it means you’re desperate. Both, dating down/up is a means for one to selfishly come up in some way. What’s wrong with dating someone on the same level we’re on? Nothing. It’s just that we’re majorly influenced by social media, television, music and who the world tells us we should date or befriend, and even more than that, the truth of the matter is, many people feel they’re not good enough. So, instead of going to God and allowing Him to help them heal, they look to people… Tragic, because we all have issues. They’re looking for their idea of perfection to complete their imperfections, but that perfect slot is meant to be filled by God alone. People can’t feel that void like God. The minute a person’s perception of the perfect mate or perfect person in general, is interrupted by the other person’s flaws, they’ll begin to look for the next person to fill that void. They’ll lose themselves by following the crowd, in order to feel accepted, secure or loved. It’s very important that we work on healing, loving ourselves and giving God our brokenness. If not we will look to people to “fix” us. Whether we use someone we consider better than or worse than us. Neither is better than the other, which is why God wants us to be equally yoked. We shouldn’t only think of being equally yoked as a spiritual thing, but we should consider other factors like a person’s character, mindset, goals, and values. Are they loyal, responsible and honest? Basically, before we befriend people or began to date, we should look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “Would I date me?” Or, “Would I want to be my friend?” If the answer is no, work on yourself. If the answer is yes, and you have a clear conscience, then go forth. You can’t find something real, if you’re not real with yourself. You can’t listen to your insecurities, or who the world says you should date or allow in your circle. Listening to your insecurities or the world will make you appear whole, but inside you’ll still be broken, which is why there’s a lot of unhappy people in relationships and there’s people with many “friends” but they’re still alone. My advice to anyone who’s been looking to people to fix their inner issues is simple, let God in. What you’re really in search of is peace and love. Jesus is the epitome of peace and love. We must find it in Him first, and then we will have it to share with others. We all have some form of insecurities, but the way to overcome them is to be perfected in Christ. Not perfect, but perfected, by His blood. When you accept the fact that God loves you, and made you good through Christ. You learn to love yourself, and become good with who you are. If there’s something inside of you that you need to change, God will help you. Looking to people is futile. Preying on someone who’s worse off than you is no better than using someone who’s better off than you. They’re both selfish and comes from an insecure place. Relationships aren’t about finding someone to fix you, it’s about being with the one who fits you. There’s a difference.

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