My Desire

Genesis 3:16 To the woman he said,

“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.”

Making it plain: God punished Eve when she bit of the forbidden fruit by first multiplying her sorrow when she gave birth. Then he punished her by making her to live in subjection to her husband and at the same time God made her desire to be for her husband which means that she would naturally love and want to be married to him. Even in punishment God lightened her load by her Love for her husband.

Today: We are the daughters of Eve. You ever wonder why as a little girl you were fascinated with the idea of living the “Happily Ever After” life? As little girls or even young ladies or old ladies we daydream about being married in our beautiful white dresses and being happy with our one true love forever. Now you know why.

I was once that little girl that dreamed. My dream did come true with my first love and God blessed us with four daughters out of that marriage. But every since the beginning of time even before you or I the enemy has been after the family. He tried to tear Adam and Eve apart during the beginning. He’s doing the same thing today. Same method but different tactics. If you don’t believe me then pay attention. Why are so many women saying that they don’t need a man? Why is homosexuality so popular now? It’s because spiritually the family unit is being targeted and it shows in the natural.

Personal: My Forever lasted about 14 years.   Out of the 14 years I can say that we were happy for five of those years, ok with four, not too happy with four, hated each other’s guts and barely talked during one. During all of this time up until a year before I filled for divorce MY DESIRE WAS FOR MY HUSBAND! It didn’t matter that he put other women and their children before his children, My desire was for him. It didn’t matter that I had been mentally abused by this man, MY DESIRE WAS FOR MY HUSBAND. It didn’t matter that I struggled to make ends meet for me and our kids while he carelessly threw money at the dancers in the strip club, MY DESIRE WAS FOR MY HUSBAND.

And when I speak of desire I am merely speaking of it being in a sexual way. I wanted to be with him, I forgave him, MY DESIRE WAS FOR MY HUSBAND.

I did not play an innocent part in our marriage either. After being cheated on and lied to for so long, I repeated his behavior. I am in NO way making an excuse but if you pay attention you will see the bigger picture that I am trying to paint.

Those years that we were happy God was our head. No not everyday was awesome but the good definitely out weighed the bad. But as soon as the enemy took my husband’s focus and he no longer allowed God to lead him, he failed, I failed and our family collapsed.

And because I know what it feels like to love and have a husband I have been walking around with that desire that has gotten me into a world of trouble. But because I know the root of the problem I have given it all to God and it’s a daily process. That desire is more than an addiction and only God can fix it.

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